


Akko's Amazing, Genius, Extremely Thought Out Plan To Get Two Dumb Idiots Together

by BurnMeAtTheStake



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: BUT THERE WILL BE DIAKKO LATER, But I also wanna write about other ships, F/F, I LOVE THAT SHIP, I'm also being a lazy ass, Jealous and oblivious girls, Jealousy, There's only, This might not be good, Writers block sucks dick, also, it's so cute, like 4 characters in the first chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-06-23 15:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19704130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurnMeAtTheStake/pseuds/BurnMeAtTheStake
Summary: Sucy and Lotte are in love, Akko's ready to push some boundaries, Barbara's just tired, and everyone else is confused.





	1. Akko and Barbara Bond Over Two Idiots

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends, I just wanted to write and this is what came out. Please take it. Also, comment because I like it when people comment. I once got a comment on my inbox that told me I was doing the Lord's work, and damn, that really made my day.
> 
> Enjoy

It was terrible living with two idiots in love, Akko decided. 

Her roommates had been pining each other for months, and if it weren’t for the near-daily amounts of awkward flirting she’s had to endure, Akko would think it was adorable. But some things are better experienced in moderation, as the number of times Akko had to third wheel on study sessions or Wedinburgh outings was getting tiring. 

It was painfully evident to everyone in the entire school that they were crushing hard. Lotte’s face over the last few weeks had become an almost permanent red, while Sucy seemed to develop this habit of being extremely studious over Advanced Potions, a class that both of them shared. Apparently, the curriculum was harder this year, and therefore, she needed Lotte’s help to ‘keep up’ with her studies.

Horse shit. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Akko whispered yelled into her pillow as she saw Lotte, as red as her sash, ask Sucy for help understanding the Fundamentals of Magical Spells. Sucy, of course, agreed, and the two packed their textbooks before waving goodbye. 

They weren’t going to be back for a while. 

Nope, she can’t handle another week of this, let alone another four years. She wanted them together, and she wanted them together now since it became abundantly clear that neither of them could take a hint if it hit them across the face. This level of skirting around mutual and obvious feelings was only rivalled by stereotypical Shoujo anime. 

Time to take matters into incapable hands.

Okay, Akko thought, If subtle social cues were completely lost on both of them, how about I make it as clear as possible that they like each other. Like, extremely clear. So clear that they’d have to be blind to not see their shared attraction. 

Yes, that was a good start, but how would Akko implement a plan? Both of them lacked the capacity to actually act on their feelings, and it’d definitely be an uphill battle to get them to even consider the idea of confrontation. If Akko wants them to confess, it’d have to be by force, or at the very least, planned and convoluted circumstances. 

Just then, a knock broke Akko out of her scheming. 

Strange, they usually took a few hours before they came back. 

Akko slumped lazily to the door, ready to welcome her friends back, but was surprised to find Barbara, carrying an impressive mass of nightfall books.

“Oh, Akko,” Barbara wheezed out, “Is Lotte there by any chance? I wanted to talk to her about the upcoming nightfall event in town,” 

It was genuinely baffling how much two people could talk about a book series. Granted, it’s a three hundred and something long book series, but still. Akko can’t even focus on a chapter of her Magical Law handbook without falling asleep. 

“Akko?”

Right, there was a conversation at hand. 

“Sorry Barbara, Lotte’s in the Library ‘studying’ with Sucy,” Akko made sure to put quotations. 

It was almost comical how quick her expression changed. In a matter of second, Barbara’s barely contained excitement became unimpressed disappointment.

“Still not together?” Barbara asked. 

Akko felt a pang of shame when she shook her head, and if she squinted hard enough, she thought she could see a sliver of pity in Barbara’s eyes. 

“At this rate, they won’t get together until graduation!” Barbara sighed dejectedly. She turned to leave, books wobbling in tow, but before she could even take a step, Akko grabbed her elbow. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Akko said, “You wanna do something about their obvious crushes on each other?” 

Barbara raised her eyebrow, “What are you thinking?”

Yes, that was the problem. She doesn’t know what to think. How would Akko be able to trick both of her teammates into declaring their undying romantic love for each other? 

“I don’t know. I was hoping… you could help me brainstorm? I mean, you spend a lot of time with her, and if we put our minds together, we could actually plan something out. Two heads better than one, right?” 

“Hm,” Barbara murmured, “That’s...surprisingly a good idea,”

Okay, rude.

“Yeah, since you’re the closest person to Lotte outside of me and Sucy, maybe we could go off of each other's ideas,”

“Actually, I do have something,”

“Yeah, what is it?” Akko asked excitedly. 

“What if…we made Sucy jealous?”


	2. Barbara's totally fool-proof plan to get two idiots together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to take the initiative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp, I kinda fucked up on the last chapter. Oops.

With books forgotten haphazardly on the floor, both girls thought out the logistics of the idea on the lower bunk of Akko’s bed.

Jealousy. That’s interesting. Definitely more than what Akko could come up with for the past five minutes. But there were some glaring questions to this approach. How would they get Sucy jealous? Could Sucy even get jealous? 

“It’s simple. Someone shows a little bit of interest in cute, short, and blonde, and BAM! Sucy’s gonna realize that other people might also like Lotte. She’ll have to make a move then!” Barbara reasoned, smirking wide and triumphant. “Now we just need someone close enough to her,” 

“Me? Are you implying that I should flirt with her?” Akko grumbles, “ Wouldn’t it be awkward? Sucy would never talk to me again! And she’d poison me more than usual!” 

Barbara shakes her head. “You aren’t gonna flirt with Lotte. No chance in the Icy Tundras of Hell. Literally everyone knows that you and Diana have this unresolved sexual tension—”

“—We so don’t!” 

“But that does raise a major issue. Who has to be the flirter? I mean, we could ask Amanda, but people would notice that; there’s no way Sucy wouldn’t think it’s suspicious. Maybe Jasminka? They get along well—”

Okay, it was time to activate her big bad bisexual galaxy brain into overdrive and think of someone that would agree to pretend to like Lotte. Akko was sure that everyone who knew the red team well enough was sick of the suffocating attraction that Lotte and Sucy had for each other. At least, she was sick of it. 

Barbara was right, Amanda wouldn’t work. It’s more likely that she’d develop a crush on Akko than Lotte. 

Constanze maybe. Right? There wasn’t that much conversation between the two, but the shorter girl does have a soft spot somewhere for her. 

Or Frank. Frank was super cool. But he doesn’t visit the school that much. Goddammit. 

“I’ve got it!” Barbara yelled victoriously, furiously pulling Akko out of her thoughts. She could only look as Barbara, grin wide and cunning, pointed excitedly to herself. 

“Me! I’ll pretend to like Lotte! We know each other enough, and it wouldn’t be weird if I, out of the blue, developed a crush, right? Oh, this could work! I could spin our book shop adventures as dates, or get touchy-feely, or…” Barbara rambled on the list of things she could fake. 

Yeah, Barbara and Lotte were kinda close. Honestly, it wouldn’t be hard from the perspective of an onlooker to find certain chemistry between their interactions, even if one didn’t think it was romantic per se. However, there was just one problem. 

“But, aren’t you and Hannah, you know, a thing? Wouldn’t she also get jealous?”

Wow, Akko never thought a person’s face could be that red.

“N-no we are NOT! We... so aren’t. Like, who would think that? That’s crazy! Super crazy! Insane even! I mean, she’s my best friend for Jennifer’s sake! We’ve been childhood besties for so long... It’d just be strange for us to be together! The thought of us dating? That’s…Atsuko Kagari, that thought is completely unbelievable!” 

Wait a minute, they aren’t dating? Does Hannah know that they aren’t dating? Who’s gonna tell her the news? 

“Okay, okay, you made your point, Great Single One,” Akko held her hands up in mock surrender. “You’re gonna flirt with Lotte because you and Hannah aren’t an item. I get it.”

“Yes, Atsuko Kagari,” The full name, now she’s scared, “Hannah and I are just childhood friends that happen to be very intimate together. No need to label it a romance.”

Damn, Barbs got it bad. Better get her some water over how thirsty she is. 

Akko was just hoping that no one would get seriously hurt. 

“Hi, Lotte!” Barbara greeted, bright and early at the red teams’ door. To her sides were Hannah and Diana, both surprised by their roommates’ odd behaviour so early in the morning, but nonetheless happy to see their new friends. 

Lotte, too, seemed surprised. “Barbara, what are you doing here?” 

“Is it weird to want to spend time with your good friend? I was just wondering if you wanted to get breakfast with us. It’s nice to have you around, and this way, we could talk about the new Nightfall release!” 

Damn, laying it thick, wasn’t she? 

Akko looked back at Sucy, desperate to see a reaction. Her face showed no sign of irritation or envy, just unimpressed boredom. 

Alright, not the best response.

“Of course we’ll come with you guys!” Akko yelled way too loud, diverting everyone’s attention to her. “C’ mon, let’s go to the cafeteria before they run out of strawberry parfait.”

She ushered her friends out the door, to where the remainder of the blue team was, careful to push Lotte into Barbara.

“Akko!” Lotte shrieked, trying to steady herself. Luckily, Barbara caught her, arms holding tightly around her waist. 

“Don’t worry, I got you,” Barbara winked, which earned her a raised eyebrow from Diana and a scowl from Hannah. 

“You are acting so weird today,” Hannah muttered dubiously. 

Once again, Akko looked back to Sucy, hoping for a visible response. This time, she saw her friend’s face scrunch up in barely noticeable contempt.

Jackpot.


	3. Akko's terrible, terrible habit of talking out of her ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara's trying, Akko's a dumbass, and Diana is bold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter seems kinda wrong to me. Not content-wise, but grammar-wise

Barbara loved Lotte, in her own platonic way. The Finnish girl was very pleasant in her interactions; she was a passionate conversationalist when she wanted to be, a shoulder to cry on in the roughest of times, and a great source of comfort whenever a day was too hard. Barbara could admit with little shame how easy it would be to fall in love with her. 

Too bad she couldn’t take a fucking hint. 

The blue, red, and green team had all huddled in the back of the cafeteria, casually talking about forgotten homework assignments and upcoming test. Barbara had been spewing out pick-up lines since they got there, and she could only thank whatever benevolent God there was that no one was paying attention to her and Lotte. Except, of course, Sucy and Akko. 

“You know, I never realised how pretty you are. Your freckles are so adorable and cute!” Barbara complemented, moving her hand to hold Lotte’s face. The action was clearly forced and stiff, but she couldn’t back down now; at least, not with the red team looking. 

Akko couldn’t eat her breakfast, her eyes stuck to Sucy’s face all throughout the morning. Barbara was really bad at flirting. Or really good at being bad at flirting, whatever. It gave them reactions, and that’s what mattered. Sucy has been in a constant state of incredible lividness for the better part of an hour, and Akko could only pray that Barbara wouldn’t get suddenly and dangerously ill in the next few days. 

This plan was incredibly stupid. Barbara was pulling out every single line in the metaphorical book, but Lotte evidently had the God-like abilities to dodge non-subtle flirtatious cues better than Jackie Chan can dodge punches. Sucy, however, was seething with rage. It wouldn’t surprise Akko if she concocted some type of super poisonous potion that would turn Barbara’s head green and make her hands fall off, and it’d all be Akko’s fault because she couldn’t come up with a good idea by herself, even though technically, this is really Sucy’s fault for never having the guts to confess―

“What’cha lookin’ so lost about, Kagari?” Amanda asked, leaning her chair closer to Akko. “You don’t usually space out until Ancient Logistics,” 

“Just thinking,” Akko said absentmindedly, picking at her food. 

“You thinking? Call the cops,” 

Wow, what an original joke. Comedy Central better watch out, Amanda O’Neill’s got comebacks for all. 

“Yeah, yeah, I do that sometimes. Amazing, I know. “ 

“Geez, you got off on the wrong side of the bed, didn’t you? Seem to have a few more screws loose than usual,”

“If I may ask,” Diana chimed in, “What were you thinking about?”

How can she tell Barbara her life’s in danger? What would be the best possible results if Sucy, God forbid, found out what they were doing? Where would it be safest to hide, if that situation arose? If a dog could wear pants, would the pants be horizontal or vertical―

“Astrology class. It’s getting kinda hectic, with all the, um, signs, and stuff. Like, I can’t differentiate between a Gemini and an Aries,” Akko babbled nervously, hoping that both girls would leave it at that.

They didn’t.

“You lie terribly,” Amanda said, unimpressed. “That class is taught by your favourite teacher, and you’re saying you don’t pay attention? I call bullshit,” 

Diana nodded, stating, “If anything, you pay the most attention in that class. Professor Du Nord can command your attention very easily, especially with some simple show magic. You never seem to keep your eyes off of her, if I’m being truthful.”

Akko wanted to slam her head into the nearest metal object. 

“Yeah, well it doesn’t mean that I really get the material, all right? Professor Chariot might always have my attention, but I don’t exactly focus on what she says!” 

“So you ogle her?” Amanda leered suggestively. 

“Not what I was implying! She’s just my idol that I’ve looked up to since childhood, alright? I feel a special connection with her―That’s completely maternal!”

“So you call her ‘mommy’, then? Are you into that?” 

Explicit gayness, butch factors, and a constant state of horniness. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect lesbian. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction―uncensored bitchiness. 

Thus, Amanda O’Neill was born!

“I heard that Kagari,” Amanda muttered. 

“They hated Jesus because he told them the truth,” Akko replied seriously.  
“Hey, look, I’m just stating hard, cold, facts. Cons, Jas, you think Akko here has a big fat crush on Chariot, right?” 

Constanze held her hands up in mock surrender, not wanting to comment. Jasminka’s closed eyes somehow wandered to the floor, suddenly finding the tiles interesting.

“That means yes,”

“Oh, like you’re an unbiased source,” 

“Well in any case,” Diana coughed, turning everyone’s attention to her, “If you truly do need help, I would be more than willing to tutor you after classes,” 

“That’s rich people talk for ‘fuck me’” Amanda whispered to Akko. 

“I wouldn’t exactly call myself rich, O’Neill” Diana defended, earning her deadpan stares from everyone at their table. 

Diana sighed. “Okay, so I may be more wealthy than the average Englishman,”

“You have a fucking chateau―”

“There’s literally a personalised lake in your backyard―”

“I think there’s an amusement park somewhere in your basement―”

“We’re getting off-topic,” Diana proclaimed, “It doesn’t matter what my financial status is. What does matter is your grades, Akko. If need be, I can make time in my schedule for you,” 

Wow, Diana is so sweet and caring. Not only is she beautiful, and smart, and rich―not that anyone should care that Diana’s rich, but it isn’t exactly an unattractive trait―but she’s also so kind towards everyone, even her rival, and Akko would total kiss her if she let her―but she wouldn’t kiss her if she didn’t want to, since consent is important kids, and this isn’t a joke, please ask first before you lock lips, friends―

“Akko? You okay, gay for brains?” 

“Yeah!” Akko snapped awake, “I’ll totally take that offer! In fact, I need help in more classes, like Magical Theory, or Defense Against the Dark Arts,” 

“That’s...not a class,” Diana muttered.

“Whatever, you guys know what I mean. I could really use some help boosting my grades, or else Finnelan is gonna be on my ass,” 

“Then it’s settled, right?” Diana asked, “Tomorrow, at the Library, no later than five after four, with all your homework assignments and textbooks. We’ll be staying there until curfew.” 

“Yeah, that works,”


End file.
